Monthly Archives: July 2018

Father, Father

I will tell you one of the most profound lessons I have ever learned. You can not expect someone to give to you… what they themselves have not been given. I was told this in regard to my relationship with my Father years ago by a friend. Most parents want to do their best for their kids… however, there seems to be a limitation in that perspective… they can’t give you what they don’t have. They can’t give you compliments, affirmation, attention, affection, encouragement… If they were never given that themselves… they can’t say they are proud of you if their own Father has never told them either… They can’t tell you they delight in you, they love watching you grow up, they love watching you do anything at all, that you are their absolute treasure… Daughter or Son, they both crave to hear it… It is hard to verbalize on its own, let alone if no one has ever done that for them all these years… When you come to understand this, it will free you… Although it may still hurt that your needs may not have been met, you will at least understand your parents gave you what they could… They may have an emotional limitation in giving you the desires of your heart… If they never knew that their Dad was proud of them, they will have a hard task giving that affirmation to you since they don’t have that first hand experience to repeat for you… They can’t pass on a blessing that they were never blessed with… My Father told me years ago he was proud of me, I had to sit down and ask him for it though… I got my needs met in that regard… Our relationship got better after that… Coming to this realization will free you… You can now have lower expectations for your parents, they did their best with the limitations they were handed… They made the best lemonade they could… You are free now to have higher expectations for yourself, you can now aspire to new heights they weren’t able to reach… You can be the Father that they weren’t able to be, while at the same time respecting them as your own Father… They did their best, even if it doesn’t seem like much or maybe they gave you a whole lot… but, it wasn’t what you actually needed…  that is OK… You can respect the office and title of Father… No matter who your Dad was… Good, Bad, or Ugly… You can aspire to fill those shoes just fine… It is a high calling, your parents did their best… You can aspire to build on the backs of giants that went before you… They can be your foundation… you can aspire to give your kids more… You can change generational patterns… You can be a change agent for the better…  You want to fix America, this is the cure… ❤️, Jamry

The Perfect Husband

It is the job of a husband to present his wife unto himself perfected, not to expect her to fix herself up on her own. It is his job, not her all alone, to present her to himself the way he wants, he is to help her daily be everything she is meant to be, she is not to draw it up from within herself and her own strength. He is to expend time, energy, and effort into his wife… He is to pour his life into hers… She is not to just wake up looking and acting perfect, it is his job to help her be that… She is to become more physically and emotionally attractive day in and day out, never ending… This is his job, not just her task… His love and care should make her more attractive… His love should make her a flourishing and glowing person… His job… His reward for all of his hard work, is her… When he is disappointed in her, it may not be his fault… but, it is his responsibility… If it is his fault, he should definitely work on it… he needs to know what to do, not her… he is to know how to help her, she is not to know how to fix herself on her own… he should know her better than she knows herself… he is to know everything about her down to the tiniest detail and nuance… Every reaction, every movement, every code language being used to dance around an issue… He is to get a Master’s degree in her… He should study her harder than any textbook… She is the only test he needs to stay up all night studying… His focus is on her… All of his soul, all of his strength, all of his thoughts… Pointed at her… Laser focused on her, never letting go, never glancing away, full frontal attention… It feels good just talking about it… ❤️, Jamry